Unbeautiful
by angstkitten
Summary: Ren is abusing himself, and HoroHoro takes it upon himself to save him. Can HoroHoro keep Ren safe, or will he fall to his own hands? horoxren, lemon


I DON'T OWN SHAMAN KING, AND I THINK IT'S KINDA OBVIOUS, DON'T YOU? I MEAN, IF I OWNED IT, WOULDN'T I BE MAKING THIS STUFF _ACTUALLY_ HAPPEN?

* * *

HoroHoro stirred quietly, waking from his deep sleep. He rolled over to look at Ren lying in the futon beside him, but this dark-haired shaman wasn't to be found. HoroHoro strained his eyes for a moment, thinking it was the darkness around him obscuring his vision, but the clouds moved, allowing the moon to shine in, and it was clear. Ren was missing. HoroHoro could see Yoh and Hao past Ren's futon, and he snorted a sharp breath through his nose, wondering where the Chinese teen could have gone. It wasn't like him, at least HoroHoro didn't think it was, to just disappear in the night.

_Well, maybe it is…_ he thought. _But there should be some sign of him…_ HoroHoro noticed Ren's kwan-dao leaning against the wall, which meant he hadn't left the onsen. "Huh," HoroHoro murmured almost silently. _Where is he…?_ he wondered. HoroHoro couldn't imagine where he might have gone. It was the middle of the night, so what could he possibly be doing? Yoh or Hao missing would equal food or maybe video games, but Ren… There was really no way to tell. "Ren…"

HoroHoro looked at Hao, who was smiling gently into his pillow. He heard Hao mutter something, but couldn't quite understand it, though he thought he had made out Lyserg's name and something about strawberries and chocolate. HoroHoro sighed inaudibly, knowing Hao was dying to get his claws into that poor boy. And just about anyone else he could. That was why they were sleeping on opposite ends of the room. HoroHoro liked to have as much distance between them as possible.

Yoh, too, was smiling softly in his sleep. HoroHoro couldn't guess what he was dreaming about, but it was probably best left unknown. HoroHoro thought back to earlier that evening, how everything had been going so well. He'd even gotten to see a little bit of Chinese ass for a second, though he doubted Ren had noticed.

Yoh had invited all the guys over, but come bedtime, only HoroHoro and Ren stayed at the Asakura residence, because they lived out of town and weren't going to fork out the money for hotel rooms. Though, HoroHoro had almost suggested they share one. But he was too shy. So there they were, taking baths before bed.

Hao had snapped HoroHoro's behind with the towel Hao refused to wear, preferring to show off what he had, and HoroHoro had howled in response. His friends had come to his rescue, Yoh pulling HoroHoro away and Ren shoving Hao into the steaming water.

"OW! Hot water, hot water!" he had screamed, laughing all the while and splashing the other three. The cry of pain had really been more of surprise, and he couldn't resist getting them wet unexpectedly.

"Hao!" Yoh had cried, holding his arms up to defend his face. "I'm gonna get you for that!" Hao merely laughed harder and threw the water towards the three of them. Yoh lunged forward, doing a cannonball into the water, his towel falling off in the process. He grabbed his brother around the neck and they began play-fighting in the spring. Ren had smiled amusedly, and HoroHoro laughed full-heartedly. Ren followed Yoh's demonstration, jumping in after him, but keeping a better grip on his towel. It had flown up, giving HoroHoro a short, personal show, but didn't come off. HoroHoro grinned and ran after the others, sailing through the air over the water.

He had suddenly realized he was going to hit his golden-eyed friend moments before impact. This gave him time only to tuck his legs back so he wouldn't hit him in the face and think _Hell yeah, I get to touch Ren!_ and _Oh, shit, he's gonna kill me!_ simultaneously. HoroHoro landed on top of Ren, both emitting a grunt at contact and being forced under the water momentarily. Once they surfaced, Ren had a hold on HoroHoro's shoulders, their noses pressed together, swearing that he would die if that _ever_ happened again. HoroHoro had simply nodded, grinning like a moron, his blue locks flopping lazily, weighted by the water. Ren let go, and the four took their baths quietly for the most part.

HoroHoro felt outnumbered a little, with Hao there, constantly hitting on him. Yoh was the only one Hao didn't try to get in his pants regularly, which was understandable, and tonight he was staying away from Ren, whom had dealt him a sound slap the first time Hao had touched him that evening. Yoh and Ren did their best to protect HoroHoro from the horror that was Hao Asakura, but it was a hard task.

They finally went into the bedroom, where Hao suggested playing Truth or Dare. The others consented, though a little reluctantly. Most of the dares were a little lame, and everyone, at one point or another, was forced to kiss someone else. Though, to HoroHoro's relief, he didn't have to kiss Hao, but rather Yoh. HoroHoro had forced Hao to put on pajama's, very much to the fire shaman's displeasure. Even the truth questions were dull after awhile, though they had wormed out of Hao that there was one special person he really liked.

When they had become bored with the game, Ren started telling ghost stories. They each told one before finally crawling into their futons, Ren beside HoroHoro, and Yoh between him and Hao. HoroHoro had tossed and turned a little before settling to sleep. And then, it couldn't have been more than an hour later, he was awake, wondering where Ren could have gone.

HoroHoro lay in bed, waiting for Ren to return. He was getting nervous and didn't like Ren being gone like that. But eventually, just as a clock in the large inn struck three, only an hour and a half since they had gone to bed, Ren walked back in. He was limping a little, and his saffron eyes closed tightly with each step, as though wincing in pain. HoroHoro's brows knit together in sudden worry, and he watched silently as Ren climbed back into bed, biting his lower lip.

"Ren?" HoroHoro whispered, sitting up. The other boy didn't turn to face him, sucking quietly on the blood slipping from his lip. "Ren, please answer me," HoroHoro begged.

"What is it, baka?" Ren snapped. "I'm trying to sleep." HoroHoro heard the slap of blood on Ren's teeth and gasped sharply.

"Ren, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"But… You were limping. What's wrong?" HoroHoro asked.

"Nothing," Ren spat, a drop of the red liquid flying from his mouth and landing in front of Yoh.

"Don't lie to me, Ren!" HoroHoro demanded.

"I'm not!" Ren insisted.

"Yes you are! You're hurt!" Ren finally rolled over, and HoroHoro could see the scarlet liquid.

"I told you, I'm fine!" Ren hissed, trying to keep the others from waking up.

"You're bleeding!" HoroHoro said. "Why?"

"I bit myself. It's no big deal. It will stop."

"But Ren, I…"

"I don't care, Ainu. Just shut up and go to sleep." Ren rolled back over, muttering "Baka," under his breath.

"Ren, I'm not an idiot! What happened? Why were you limping?"

"My leg hurts, now leave me _alone!_"

"I don't believe you."

"Well you should. Now shut up before they wake up!" HoroHoro swallowed, afraid of what Ren might do if he was disobeyed, but even more afraid of what his friend wasn't telling him. HoroHoro opened his mouth to say something else when the twins each stirred in their sleep. He lay back down, unsure of himself, but knowing that this wasn't the right thing to do.

He continued to lie awake for another hour, listening to Ren swallow the blood in his mouth. When Ren began to snore softly, HoroHoro crawled out of his futon and over the younger boy. HoroHoro looked down at his mouth, seeing his lip split and swollen. HoroHoro sighed sadly, and gently brushed Ren's cheek. HoroHoro glanced at his friend, and decided to go back to his own bed, having seen nothing that would tell him what had happened. But try as he might, HoroHoro couldn't fall back asleep.

HoroHoro went back to Ren, but this time he did see something to cause concern. There was a pool of something dark and wet forming on the futon, near Ren's crotch. At first, HoroHoro thought that Ren might have wet himself, but when he accidentally put his hand in it, he realized it was too sticky to be urine. Ren was bleeding.

HoroHoro's eyes shot open wide as it registered. He looked at Ren's face and noticed that he was paler than usual. Without bothering to try and wake Ren up, HoroHoro rolled him gently onto his back and pulled back the blankets. HoroHoro carefully removed Ren's pajama pants, which were soaked in blood. HoroHoro couldn't believe what he was seeing, and tried desperately not to gag. There were deep gashes sliced into Ren's inner thighs, bleeding heavily.

"Oh, Ren…" HoroHoro whispered, horrified. He stood and ran to the bathroom, where he wet a pair of washcloths and took a soft towel, before returning to Ren. He began to clean the wounds, and he could tell that Ren was in pain as he cried out softly in his sleep. "Shh… Ren, it's okay," HoroHoro assured him. "I'm here; I won't let anything happen to you." Ren seemed to relax a little, and HoroHoro returned to his task. He put the towel between Ren's legs while he dug through his bags for a shirt. He tore it into several pieces and began bandaging Ren's cuts.

The sudden constant pressure pulled a whimper from Ren, and his eyes fluttered open. At first, he didn't know what was happening, but when he looked down at his legs, he nearly shouted.

"Baka Ainu!" he growled, trying to sit up. HoroHoro pushed him back down.

"Shh! Now be still," he ordered. Ren, surprised, obeyed. "These aren't good, Ren." Ren turned his head toward the wall, not wanting to look at HoroHoro, see his eyes, when he asked why he had done it. "I just don't understand, Ren. How did you get these?" HoroHoro asked naively. Ren looked back at him, disbelieving that HoroHoro didn't know.

"What?" Ren asked, to be sure he had heard correctly.

"These cuts," HoroHoro answered. "This is why you were limping, right?" Ren nodded feebly. "Why didn't you tell me? Who did it?" Ren just blinked and stared incredulously. He sat up sharply and pushed the Ainu boy away.

"Why can't you just leave me alone and stop meddling in my life!" he bit. HoroHoro's face looked stricken.

"I… Ren, I just wanted to-"

"Help. Right?" HoroHoro nodded. "Well don't! It's bad enough already!" Ren reached for his pants to pull them back up, but HoroHoro grabbed his hands.

"Don't, Ren. You'll just make it worse! Do you want them to get infected?" he asked. Ren dropped his gaze to the floor and didn't answer. "Just let me finish bandaging them. Please." Ren shook his head.

"No. Just leave me alone." HoroHoro's eyes widened again.

"Do you really want these to get worse? To get infected? To possibly…" HoroHoro swallowed loudly, "die?" Ren just shrugged in response.

"Maybe I do. I don't know," he said after a few minutes.

"Why!" HoroHoro asked, bewildered.

"Because I don't deserve any less."

"What? What is that supposed to mean?" HoroHoro demanded. "Ren?" Ren reached down to the last gash that needed to be covered. HoroHoro watched, frozen, as Ren pressed a finger into the cut and another followed. He pushed them against the blood vessels there, popping one and forcing more blood out. He crushed his eyes shut, whimpering, as he stroked a muscle. He bit his tongue to keep himself from screaming before pinching the muscle, but the pinch never came. He opened his eyes to find HoroHoro had pulled his hand away. "Ren, did you do this to yourself?" he asked fearfully. Ren nodded, his golden eyes locked on HoroHoro's powder blue ones. He watched as question and fear flew into them, along with sudden flooding tears. "Why?"

"Because I have to," Ren answered.

"What? You have to? What kind of a reason is that?" HoroHoro asked.

"I can't help it. It hurts, but it lets me live out the next day."

"Ren…" HoroHoro murmured. "I've heard of people…cutting themselves before, but why here?"

Ren smirked. That was the one question that he knew was coming that he could answer. "That's easy. I can cut as deep as I have to, leave any kind of scar I want to, and no one will ever know. Because no one will ever see that part of my body."

"But, what about when you get married? Won't your wife notice?"

"No, because I'll never marry, unless I'm forced, and Father hasn't been bothering with the whole 'arranged marriage' thing, so I don't think I will."

"Why won't you marry, Ren?" HoroHoro asked.

"Because no one will ever find me sexually attractive or desirable."

"What!" HoroHoro exclaimed, almost too loudly. They paused, making sure the other two were still asleep, and then HoroHoro continued. "A Tao, not found attractive? I find that hard to believe."

"Oh, please," Ren muttered. "You call me ugly every chance you get."

"That doesn't mean I mean it. Or that you're not desirable. Just desirably ugly."

"That doesn't make any sense," Ren said.

"So? Neither does cutting gashes into your thighs because you're 'ugly'. Especially when you're not."

"What? So you're saying you lie when you call me ugly?"

"Maybe."

"Listen, I'm homely or ugly at best, and Kami knows I've been called worse," Ren said firmly.

"But I'm sure you've been called better too," HoroHoro challenged.

Ren snorted quietly. "Yeah, right," he murmured, bringing his blood coated fingers to his mouth. That turned HoroHoro's attention back to the leg, and he cleaned that gash again.

"Oh, come on," he said, wrapping it, "you can't tell me no one's ever said something good about you."

"Yes I can," Ren answered, a little muffled through his hand.

"Hao clearly thinks you're hot."

"No, he's just a horny, confused child."

"Well, yeah, but still-"

"You notice that the only person whose privacy he respects is Yoh's?" HoroHoro stared blankly.

"So?"

"Well," Ren said, expertly distracting HoroHoro from himself, "I think that _Yoh's_ who Hao really likes."

HoroHoro looked at Ren, and then over his shoulder at the twins. "Really?" Ren nodded. "Oh." HoroHoro lowered his eyes, a little bored for a second, then remembered what he was doing. "Ren!" he growled. "Quit distracting me!" HoroHoro finished tying the scrap of cloth around Ren's leg and sat back. "There," he sighed, Ren reaching for his pants again.

HoroHoro stopped him, shaking his head. "Those are wet and cold. You'll get sick." HoroHoro stood and pulled Ren to his feet. Ren's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as HoroHoro led him away from the bloody futon. HoroHoro let go of Ren's hand, and Ren fell onto HoroHoro's futon, landing with a quiet "flump". HoroHoro glanced at Ren sitting there and dug through his bag again. He threw pajamas at Ren, who stared at them. HoroHoro removed Ren's shirt, also covered in blood, and threw it to Ren's futon.

"Put those on," HoroHoro said. Ren stood and started dressing while HoroHoro took the futon Ren had been sleeping on apart, laying out the blanket to dry a little. "What're we gonna do with these?" he wondered aloud.

"Wash them," Ren answered matter-of-factly.

"Well, what'll you tell Yoh if he sees it?" Ren shrugged. HoroHoro looked at Ren, a sudden sadness within him. _Ren? Thinking he's less than perfect? That he's…ugly?_ "We won't worry tonight. It'll get cleaned up in the morning. Let's get some sleep, okay?" Ren nodded and stepped off of HoroHoro's futon. HoroHoro bravely wrapped his arms around the Chinese boy's shoulders. After a moment of surprise, Ren returned the hug awkwardly. HoroHoro gently kissed Ren's cheek and pulled him down to the futon. Ren was shocked for a second, unsure what was going to happen.

"H-HoroHoro…?" he muttered.

"Shh…" HoroHoro answered, pressing a finger lightly to Ren's pale pink lips. "Just get some rest, okay?" Ren smiled, sending an electric shock through HoroHoro's body, and the two managed to drift off after mentally giggling themselves to death for sleeping this close together.

A few hours later, HoroHoro woke up to a sudden shout. He sat up drowsily, forgetting Ren was with him. But even through the jostling, Ren didn't stir.

HoroHoro looked at the twins to see Hao trying not to laugh and Yoh covering his eyes. "What?" HoroHoro asked dumbly. Yoh peeked past his fingers to look at the light haired shaman. He put his hands down as his brother howled with laughter. Yoh glared at Hao, thinking it might be a cruel joke he was playing, all that blood. HoroHoro saw the soiled items laid out, and remembered what had happened. He looked at Ren, his features so still. HoroHoro touched his face to be sure he was still alive, then stood, moving the blankets enough to see if Ren was bleeding through or not. He sighed in relief, replacing the blanket and walked over to the dirty things on the floor.

"Yoh," he said.

"What?" Yoh asked, looking at the blood.

"These need to be washed."

"I'm not sure that'll ever come out," Yoh said doubtfully.

Hao walked over, snickering. "So what happened?" he asked. Yoh shook his head, uncertain.

"He had a nose-bleed," the Ainu lied without hesitation. The Asakuras looked at him. "I woke up and he was bleeding everywhere. We got it to stop and I gave him spare PJ's." The twins nodded, accepting the lie, and the three went to wash them, leaving Ren where he was.

An hour or so later, Ren woke up with a warm washcloth on his forehead. His bright eyes opened slowly, meeting clear blue orbs watching him closely. "Hey, HoroHoro," Ren muttered.

HoroHoro smiled, his cerulean locks falling into his face. "Hey yourself, Ren."

Ren sat up, a hot pain ripping through his thighs. He saw the sun out the window and looked at HoroHoro. "What time is it?" he asked.

HoroHoro shrugged. "About noon. Hao's making lunch, if you're hungry." Ren nodded and tried to stand, but his legs couldn't hold his weight, his muscles screaming in pain.

"Ahh…!" Ren whimpered, his butt hitting the ground with a "thump".

"Ren!" HoroHoro said, concerned. "Are you okay?" Ren's face was crushed in pain, and he shook his head no in answer. "Where does it hurt? Your legs?" HoroHoro asked. Ren nodded, cringing.

HoroHoro removed the pajama bottoms and looked at the blood staining the cloths. Most of them had stopped bleeding, it looked like, but HoroHoro could see blood oozing from one; the one Ren had aggravated the night before. HoroHoro untied it after getting a washcloth. He cleaned it again, finding a little yellow pus in it too.

"Ren, this is bad," he said. Ren nodded, unable to speak in the pain. "I think you need to see a doctor, okay?" Ren nodded, not caring that that was showing weakness. He just wanted the pain to end. All of his father's obsessions that had been thrust upon him melted, for just a moment, as the pain burned through his body. "Can you stand?"

"No," Ren managed to force between his clenched teeth. HoroHoro stood up and told Ren to wait.

"I'll be right back," he promised before walking to the kitchen.

"HoroHoro," Yoh said, "is Ren up yet?"

"Um, yeah, he's awake," HoroHoro answered, glancing around for a phone.

"Is he coming?" Hao asked. "I made salmon soup!"

"Uh," HoroHoro decided to ignore the question. "Yoh, you don't have a phone, do you?"

"No. Anna trashed it last week. Why?"

HoroHoro took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Ren is, um, well, he needs a doctor." The twins stared.

"WHAT!" they creamed in unison.

"Look, either one of you find a phone, or I'm _carrying_ him to the hospital!" HoroHoro snapped.

The boys nodded and Yoh left the house to find a phone. HoroHoro and Hao went back to Ren, and Hao stared at the gash that had been left uncovered.

"Some nose-bleed," Hao commented, watching HoroHoro pick Ren up. "What the hell happened?" No one answered Hao as HoroHoro took Ren through the house. Yoh ran back, saying he'd called an ambulance and demanding to know what was happening. The brunette boys stared at Ren's wounds, and Ren didn't care, his arms wrapped around HoroHoro's neck.

Ren buried his face against HoroHoro's chest, holding back the tears, as they waited. Yoh was at the door, watching for the ambulance, and, after a short while, Hao joined him. HoroHoro held tightly onto Ren, who was biting his lip again. HoroHoro noticed, feeling the warm flow of blood on his arm. He looked down and saw that Ren was just trying to keep himself from screaming or crying; not to suck his own blood like the night before.

HoroHoro touched Ren's face, and for a second Ren forgot his pain as he stared into HoroHoro's eyes.

"Don't do that," HoroHoro cooed sweetly. "Your lip got torn up enough last night." Ren's pain swallowed him again and he winced, miserable. "Here," HoroHoro said, taking Ren's hand. "Squeeze as tight as you can, okay?" Ren did, and HoroHoro smiled. "Th-that's it," he stuttered in his own pain. "Just focus on my hand. Make it hurt."

Ren squeezed until HoroHoro thought his fingers might break. Ren dug his nails in, soon drawing blood from the back of HoroHoro's hand, and the fair-haired Ainu never complained. As the hot liquid slipped down to stain the floor, tears welled in the two boys' eyes, but neither let them fall.

Yoh called through the house that the ambulance had arrived, and HoroHoro lifted Ren again, his hand dripping blood where the Tao's fingers were still digging deeper. Yoh and Hao watched the ambulance take two of their best friends away before turning back to the house to clean up the fresh blood.

At the hospital both Ren and HoroHoro were treated, even though HoroHoro insisted he was fine. Though, on close inspection, HoroHoro could tell the cuts were rather deep. _Damn…Ren's got _some _nails…_ HoroHoro was allowed to sit with Ren, who was being a little pouty, now that the pain was gone.

"Hey Ren," HoroHoro said, walking in. Ren glared.

"Hello," he growled in his generally angry tone. HoroHoro's eyes widened in fear, and he started to back out the door. Ren sighed and beckoned HoroHoro in. "Come here, baka."

HoroHoro smiled and went in, closing the door. "How are you feeling?" HoroHoro asked.

"Oh, just superb," Ren answered sarcastically. HoroHoro smiled. That was his Ren: snotty and rude. "My leg doesn't hurt, but now it's numb, which is almost worse! This place is just driving me nuts!" Ren growled irritably, throwing a pillow. HoroHoro picked it up and gave it back to Ren, who fluffed his soft weapon before putting it behind himself. "I just hate this place! I hate hospitals. They're all too… I don't know, but it drives me nuts!"

"Too clean? Bright, maybe?" HoroHoro suggested. Ren nodded.

"Yeah. And quiet."

"Sorry you're miserable. How long do they think you'll be here?"

"I don't know," Ren grumbled, crossing his arms and flopping irritably against his pillow. "Hopefully not long. Father is expecting me home tomorrow."

"Oh. Well, I doubt _that_'ll happen," HoroHoro commented, sitting in a chair beside the bed. He glanced around the room. "It's pretty boring here, huh?"

"Yeah, _pretty_ boring."

-------------------------------------

Two days later, Ren was released from the hospital, and HoroHoro went to get him.

"Do you want to go back to Yoh's?" HoroHoro asked. "I told them what I could; they wouldn't let it go." Ren nodded, understanding.

"No," he said, not wanting to face Yoh and Hao's questions.

"Okay," HoroHoro said. "I'll run in, get our clothes, and take you home."

"HoroHoro, you don't need to-"

"Yes I do," HoroHoro insisted. "I want you to get home without any more self-inflicted wounds." Ren stared at HoroHoro, almost feeling mad that he was taking it upon himself to watch Ren, but more sad, realizing that it was true; HoroHoro did need to come along. Ren wasn't sure he would make it home alone. The entire night before, Ren had been contemplating ways that he could take his own life on the way home. His lip began to tremble, and he bit it again. HoroHoro strung one arm around the younger boy and led him to the onsen.

Ren sat outside as HoroHoro gathered their things and explained that Ren was nervous and embarrassed and didn't want to see them before leaving. The twins respected Ren's wishes, and didn't go out to bother him. They did look out, and saw him shaking slightly. As HoroHoro opened the door, Yoh hugged him.

"I'll see you soon, HoroHoro," he said. "Take care of yourself, and watch over Ren while you can, okay?" HoroHoro nodded.

"Sure, Yoh."

"Tell him we said goodbye."

"I will." HoroHoro walked out, and placed a hand on Ren's shoulder. "Are you okay?" he asked. Ren nodded, glad that HoroHoro was back. "Then let's go." The boys made their way to the train station and bought two tickets. It would be an overnight trip, and they settled into their compartment to get comfortable.

After about an hour, HoroHoro suggested they get something to eat. Ren shook his head.

"Why not?" HoroHoro asked.

"I'm not hungry," Ren answered quietly, ignoring the grind of his stomach.

"Are you sure? We haven't eaten for a few hours."

"Well, most people can go about six hours without eating," Ren said, a little bitterly. "Unlike you, who can hardly go twenty minutes."

"Hey!" HoroHoro complained. "What's with you? If you didn't want me to come, you could've argued a little harder!"

"Would it have changed your mind?" Ren snapped, pressing the right buttons to get HoroHoro to leave him alone.

"Probably not, but at least I would be _sure_ that I'm unwanted! I'm sorry for wanting to keep you safe, Ren!" Ren had no comeback to that. After staring silently for a moment, he turned his head to look out the window and sighed angrily.

"Go away!" he ordered.

"Fine!" HoroHoro left the compartment in a huff, slamming the door behind himself. Ren then slammed his head into the wall for a few minutes.

"Damn it," he muttered. "I know he's trying to help, but… I can't stop trying to screw this up."

HoroHoro made his way to the dining car, but couldn't find anything appetizing. Everything he looked at made him think back to Ren, alone in the compartment. Finally he started wandering the train. He saw a family chatting happily together, and sighed. _Why can't Ren try to get along with me?_ he thought. _It just doesn't feel fair sometimes._

He continued down the corridor, until he suddenly realized he'd left Ren alone, and he shouldn't have. Ren was a hazard to himself, and HoroHoro had gone. He quickly turned around and started making his way back. _What did I _dohe silently asked himself.

While HoroHoro was walking around, Ren was searching the compartment. He had difficulty finding anything loose and sharp, but then found a mirror. "I could break it," he murmured to himself. "But he might see the shards and cuts somewhere else…" Ren discarded that idea, and looked for something else. When it seemed evident that he wouldn't find anything suitable, he looked back to the mirror. _I could just…finish it,_ he thought. Ren reached over and picked it back up. "I might as well…" He looked at the door, as if expecting HoroHoro to find him. But the door didn't move; HoroHoro didn't arrive at his rescue.

Ren smashed the mirror on his knee, cutting it slightly, but he almost didn't feel the pain. Shards fell to the floor and the bed he was on, and he picked up the largest he could see. He looked at his reflection in it, then at the broken pieces around him, scattering more reflections. He sighed and tried to decide where to stick the first edge. After a moment, he jammed it into his arm and picked up another.

HoroHoro was running down the halls, pushing past people, barely murmuring "Excuse me," rushing to find Ren. He wrenched open the door, and Ren looked up, fear and hidden gratitude filling his eyes.

"Ren!" HoroHoro shouted, seeing two shards of glass stuck in his arm and a third in his hand, drawing blood from when he was tightly gripping it. Ren dropped the piece, slicing his foot, but he didn't notice. HoroHoro ran over and carefully removed the two in his arm. "What are you doing?" he demanded. Ren shrugged.

"Same as always, HoroHoro," he whispered.

"Which is what? I still don't understand this!"

"Striving for attention. Asking for help."

HoroHoro stared at his friend. "How is _this_ asking for help! This looks like suicide to me!" Ren shook his head.

"It wasn't. It was just to induce pain before death."

"Why can't you just tell me what's going on in your mind?" HoroHoro asked, once again cleaning wounds on Ren.

"Pride." HoroHoro looked into Ren's eyes.

"Why are you so full of answers? When I asked the other day, you would hardly tell me a thing!"

"I know. I was scared. I wanted to tell, but I couldn't. You had to figure it out."

"So why are you telling me now?" HoroHoro asked.

"So you'll know," Ren answered, lying down on the glass-covered bed, adding scratches to his back. HoroHoro pulled him up.

"What do you mean?" HoroHoro asked, worry swelling on his face.

"It's still up to you," Ren murmured, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Ren? Ren! Wake up!" HoroHoro shook him, but nothing happened. He looked around and found an empty bottle on the floor. It had been full of medicine, but there was none to be found. It was a pain killer, but it was strong. They were Ren's, and there should only have been three missing. HoroHoro spun around to Ren, whose mouth was now beginning to foam a little. "OH MY GOD!" he screamed, grabbing Ren. "Ren, you cannot _do_ this! I won't let you!"

HoroHoro pulled Ren from the bed, trying not to cut him any more. He rolled Ren onto his side and searched his own bags. He pulled out some ipecac and forced it into Ren's mouth. After a few minutes, Ren began retching, and the entire contents of his stomach were spilling across the floor and onto HoroHoro. When he finished, HoroHoro cleaned everything up, leaving Ren in the clean bed.

Later that night, Ren woke up to see HoroHoro sitting on the floor beside him, two hamburgers at his side.

"H-HoroHoro…?" Ren whispered, trying to sit up. HoroHoro gently stroked his cheek, and Ren fell back, smiling. "You did it," he murmured. HoroHoro nodded.

"You've gotta promise me you'll never do something like that again. Okay?" HoroHoro asked. Ren looked away. "Ren…" HoroHoro sighed.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I've tried to stop for so long, but I just _can't_!" he insisted.

"Yes you can," HoroHoro encouraged. "Can you sit up?" Ren struggled, but managed it. "I got dinner. You haven't eaten all day," HoroHoro said, handing a burger to Ren. "I know it's not what you usually eat, but it was the least mess-inducing thing I could find." Ren nodded, not caring what it was, just that he was eating. They ate their dinner, and HoroHoro crawled up in the bed with Ren.

"HoroHoro," Ren said, blinking at him.

"Shh… It's okay."

Ren curled up against the older boy, and softly kissed his chest. "Thank you." HoroHoro was surprised by the display of affection, but accepted it.

"You're welcome." The two teenagers stayed where they were for a long while, until HoroHoro finally kissed Ren on the forehead absentmindedly. Ren's face burned a bright red, and he returned the kiss to HoroHoro's lips. HoroHoro smiled and the blushing Chinese boy. Quickly things began to escalate.

HoroHoro pressed their lips back together, and Ren's eyes closed, relishing in the feeling of the gentle touch. Ren introduced their tongues cautiously, and HoroHoro greeted him with fervor. Ren was surprised by the reaction, but tried to play along. HoroHoro's hand crept up under Ren's shirt, and Ren whined against his mouth. The kiss broke momentarily, so they could breathe and make eye contact, to be sure they were okay with this. Ren nodded to HoroHoro, encouraging him to continue. HoroHoro's hand made its way up Ren's chest as their lips found one another again.

HoroHoro gently pinched Ren's nipple, forcing a squeak of subtle pain from his throat, swallowed by HoroHoro's mouth. The Ainu's other hand snaked its way behind Ren's neck, carefully rolling him onto his back. He then slowly unbuttoned Ren's shirt, then shoved the fabric aside and moved his mouth to the silky flesh. HoroHoro bit at each small, still nub and he nibbled along Ren's chest and flat stomach. Ren groaned and moaned quietly, loving the sensation of HoroHoro's tongue on his skin.

HoroHoro dug his tongue into Ren's bellybutton, and the violet-haired boy arched against him, his crotch brushing HoroHoro's chest. Ren let out a small cry, writhing on the bed. HoroHoro smirked, and went back up to Ren's mouth. They kissed for several long moments before breaking again for air. HoroHoro shrugged off his shirt and went down to Ren's pants.

He peppered kisses on his lower abdomen, exposed by the low jeans, as he unzipped the pants. He pulled them down, and crawled back up when Ren whimpered from the cold. They kissed again while Ren undid HoroHoro's pants. HoroHoro held himself up over Ren as he squirmed down to bite at HoroHoro's chest.

The blue-haired boy moaned in response, and Ren licked a trail from his underwear back to his lips, where their tongues entangled once again. Ren slipped HoroHoro's boxers as far down as he could, and HoroHoro pushed them the rest of the way off. He slid down Ren's body, leaving almost bruising kisses along the way. He pulled off Ren's underwear and looked at the scars on his thighs.

Ren looked at the older boy, sensing his hesitation. "HoroHoro?" he whispered. HoroHoro looked up, and Ren's eyes were full of resignation. "It's alright," he said. "If you don't wan-" He stopped mid-sentence, when HoroHoro wrapped his mouth around Ren's swelling member. Ren gasped, the wet heat increasing his rush. HoroHoro bobbed his head a few times, listening to Ren's gasps and moans. Ren wanted to grab HoroHoro's hair, but instead balled his hands in the sheets.

"Oh…" he shivered, nearing climax. He thrust himself against HoroHoro's final sweep, and shouted his lover's name as he came into his mouth. HoroHoro swallowed quickly, and then moved on as Ren lay panting.

HoroHoro came back to put their faces even and kissed along Ren's neck and jaw line. Then he moved down again, kissing along the way, and when he reached Ren's legs, he softly kissed each and every scar there. When he finished, he looked at Ren.

"Ren," he whispered. Ren looked at him expectantly. HoroHoro crawled back to the top of the bed. "I just counted your scars. I don't want to find any more, understand?" Ren nodded. "So don't do it again, okay?" Ren nodded.

"Okay. For you, Horokue." HoroHoro blinked, never having suspected that Ren would use his full name. HoroHoro smiled and kissed Ren again. He returned to Ren's lower region, gently putting his mouth on the parts hanging there. Ren shook, pleasure racking his body. He screamed loudly when an unexpected finger entered his body, and HoroHoro quietly calmed him before adding another. Ren gripped HoroHoro's shoulders, his eyes clenched shut.

"It's okay, Ren," HoroHoro reassured him, glancing around for something to use for lube. HoroHoro reached over the boy beneath him and picked up a bottle of hand lotion. _Close enough,_ he thought, quickly applying it with a third finger. He splayed them, forcing another shout from Ren, and pulled them out. HoroHoro then pushed his throbbing member in. Ren wriggled beneath him, trying to find comfort. "Shh… Relax," HoroHoro soothed. After a moment, Ren calmed down, but he still clung tightly to HoroHoro.

The older boy leaned down, placing a fierce kiss that was quickly returned, and then began to thrust. At first Ren cried out, but HoroHoro repositioned himself, and Ren melted in his arms. HoroHoro set a slow pace, but Ren soon begged for more, thrusting back and whimpering. HoroHoro went faster and harder, and Ren dug his nails into his shoulders, screaming in ecstasy. HoroHoro pumped Ren's length in time to his thrusts, and Ren called out, over and over, for more.

HoroHoro was going as fast as he could and as hard as he dared, and both were reaching their climax. HoroHoro adjusted the pumps so they would come together, and they both shouted the other's name before collapsing against the bed. HoroHoro rolled off after pulling out, and they lay there, panting and gasping for several minutes. Finally Ren rolled over and kissed HoroHoro softly on the nose.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome," HoroHoro answered, smiling. Ren's eyes were filling with tears. "What's wrong?"

Ren wiped at his eyes, irritated that he was tearing up. "Nothing," he said. "It's just… I've never had anyone show any sort of love or care for my feelings or well-being as you have the last few days." HoroHoro smiled again.

"Of course not," he said. "You've never had someone love you as much as I do." Ren wrapped his arms around the Ainu, and nestled his face against his neck. "I love you, Ren."

"I love you too, Horokue."---


End file.
